These gonna be my happiest birthday gift ever, to see the announcement and I got wonderful admission letters. And to celebrate my Birthday at the last 6 April and to celebrate this Kartini day, I would like to share with you how many times I failed and got up from the anxiety and uncertainty. Actually, I have written these ones from my previous posts, which you can read this here. Tapi yah biar sip kita ulang intinya aja ya.

And the thing to underline is, I don't wanna be someone that will spend the entire life pursuing this dream and learn IELTS for the rest of my life, rather than I wanna quickly erase and jump to another bucket list. But well, ALL NEED PROCESS. Again, don't ever be someone that really selfish to yourself. Everything has its own process, and if you want to value up yourself more, you need to experience all the processes.

Once, just stick on the head, every one process is different, we have our own pace. And it doesn't mean if I continue this dream I can't achieve another dream, I will, and don't worry they will be achieved. sometimes, what can we do, we just need to put off some times while we are achieving others, and they will be okay. 

Some people said If you wanna gain one thing just prepare to lose another thing. Yeap, ketika ak compare dengan kondisi yang aku alami sekarang, indeed, it's true, I need to let go of one thing that I still can compromise for than allowing everythings gone. Exact example, aku harus kehilangan beberapa waktu yang ak targetkan I will finish in my 26 years old, but due to covid, I just plan to start over now. Another example, I didn't find the right one even turning to my potential age, I haven't find my other half yet, I have said to myself I have been ready for that but if god's planning showed a beautiful journey like this, I thank enough. Bahkan, saya jadi paham, it's time for me to contemplate, to be wiser, to focus on career more, to be complete to ourselves, to deepen what exactly I am figuring out. To know which one is really supporting me, or which one is only saying by the words without actions. Instead of those, it's just a matter of time, until I realize what God's plan is amazingly beautiful. Just do what makes you happy and listen to your heart.

pernah satu post waktu saya baca, kadang saya bahkan ketawa sendiri, kenapa bisa saya nulis begitu 😂 saya pernah bilang kalo "gagal satu gapapa, gagal dua gapapa, gagal terus sampai sukses" kenapa dulu aku mau gagal berkali kali ya 😂😂 what I learned from this is..

Let's get back to the past.

jadi ceritanya saya coba fokuskan cari beasiswa tahun 2019 dan persiapan IELTS sebenernya mulai dari  tahun 2017 sewaktu kuliah, emang rencana ingin kerja dulu selama 2 tahun atau 3 tahun sebelum mengambil Master degree. 

Long short story. aku coba LPDP pertama kali, dulu tujuannya di wageningen, jangan tanya kenapa, coba baca LPDP 2018 pernah saya tulis disini intinya, kerja nya di pelabuhan, sabtu minggu sibuk proyekan, mau kuliah ambil jurusan sustainable energy efficiency and planning, gimana coba HAHA

jadi setelah tes selama 3 kali, dengan hasil lolos di tes administrasi, seleksi berbasis komputer, dan FGD, tes wawancara pun dilanjut dan benar saya tidak lolos. 😁 jadilah seketika saya memutar otak, pokoknya gimana caranya 2019 ini  I NEED TO FOCUS ON THIS and get this one.. (disclaimer dlu, sebenernya gaperlu juga sih ampe resign haha yang penting niat dan fokus aja)